At the General Audience, on June 24, the Pope said there are cases when separation is inevitable or “even morally necessary” when it involves saving the weaker spouse, or children, from violence, exploitation and indifference.
The break up of a family often “crumbles on top of children”, who should instead be protected because they must not become “hostages of their father or mother”. Pope Francis is continuing his series of catecheses on the family in view of next October’s Synod. The “Istrumentum laboris”, or working document for this Synod was published yesterday. In some cases, Francis said, separation is “inevitable” or even “morally necessary” when it means saving the weaker spouse, or children, from violence, exploitation and indifference and the Church needs to focus on protecting and guiding families in so-called irregular (“I don’t like this word myself”) situations.
“In recent catecheses we have talked about the family and how it experiences the fragility of the human condition, poverty, sickness and death,” Francis said. “Today, we reflect on the wounds caused within a family. When harm is caused inside the family unit itself. This is the most horrible thing of all!”
"We know very well – the Pope continued – that there is no family story without moments when the intimacy of loved ones is offended by the behaviour of one of its members. Words and actions (and inaction!) That, instead of expressing love, take it away or, worse still, stifle it. When these wounds, which are still remediable, are neglected, they grow worse: they turn into arrogance, hostility, contempt. And then they can become deep lacerations, dividing husbands and wives, and leading them to look elsewhere for understanding, support and consolation. But often this 'support' does not think of the good of the family! The emptying of conjugal love spreads resentment in relationships. And often the disintegration 'crumbles' on top of the children. Here, the children. I would like to dwell a little on this point. Despite our apparently evolved sensitivity, and all our fine psychological analysis, I wonder if we have not become somewhat anesthetized to the wounds in the soul of the children. The more you try to compensate with gifts and treats, the more you lose the sense of the wounds – the most painful and deep wounds – of the soul. We talk a lot about behavioural problems, mental health, the well-being of the child, the anxiety of parents and children ... But do we still know what a wounded soul is? Do we feel the weight of the mountain that crushes the soul of a child, in families where there is hurt and we hurt each other, to break the bond of marital fidelity? Do we know the weight our choices - often wrong choices – have on the soul of the children? When adults lose their heads, when everyone thinks to themselves, when dad and mum hurt each other, children suffer in their souls, they feel a sense of despair. And these are wounds that leave a mark for life. In the family, everything is tied together when a soul is wounded at some point, the infection infects everyone. And when a man and a woman, who are committed to being 'one flesh' and forming a family, think obsessively of their need for freedom and gratification, this bias deeply affects the hearts and lives of children. Often children hide to cry alone ... so often. We must understand this. Husband and wife are one flesh. But their creatures are flesh of their flesh. If we think of the harshness with which Jesus warns adults not to scandalize the little ones (cf. Mt 18,6), - we have listened to a passage of the Gospel - we can understand better his own word on the serious responsibility of maintaining the marital bond that begins the human family (cf. Mt 19.6 to 9). When man and woman become one flesh, all wounds and all abandonment of the father and mother affect the flesh of children. "
"It is true, on the other hand, that there are cases in which separation is inevitable. Sometimes it can become even morally necessary, precisely when it means saving the weaker spouse, or children, from more serious injuries caused by the arrogance and violence, and exploitation, from bitterness, alienation and indifference. There are, thank God, those who, sustained by faith and love for the children, testify to their loyalty to a relationship in which they believed, even when it appears impossible to revive it. Not all separated couples, however, feel this vocation. Not everyone recognizes, in solitude, a call of the Lord addressed to them. Around us there are several families in so-called irregular situations. I do not like that word. And we ask ourselves many questions. How can we help? How can we accompany them? (...) We ask the Lord for a great faith, to look at reality through the eyes of God; and a great charity, to approach people with His merciful heart. "
At the end of the Audience, the Pope recalled his recent visit to the northern Italian city of Turin (from Sunday 21st to Monday 22nd June) expressing his “heartfelt thanks to the people of Turin and the Piedmont region for their warm welcome”. He gave a special mention to the sick he met at Cottolengo and the offering of their suffering which “sustains the life of the Church”. Jorge Mario Bergoglio, whose origins are Piedmontese, added; “I felt truly at home, embraced by your affection”.
Pope Francis greeted the Faith and Light movement and when it came to the hand kiss, he also greeted – amongst others – the Nuncio to the US, Carlo Maria Viganò, former secretary of the Governorate and Archbishop of Philadelphia and Joseph Chaput of the Order of Friars Minor Capuchin. Tomorrow Chaput will present the World Meeting of Families which the Pope will be attending in September.
